Identity & orientation
Asexuality in relationships
7 min read
Asexual people experience little or no sexual attraction, but many want — and have — loving, long-term relationships. When an ace person partners with someone who does experience sexual attraction, the relationship works best when both people talk openly about what intimacy means.
Attraction, desire and behaviour are different
Some ace people enjoy sex for closeness, pleasure or a partner's happiness; some are neutral; some are repulsed. Knowing where each of you sits helps you design a relationship that fits.
A conversation framework
- What forms of intimacy do we each enjoy? (Cuddling, kissing, sex, shared activities, words.)
- What's a yes, a maybe, and a no for each of us?
- How often do we want physical intimacy, and how will we check in?
- If needs differ a lot, what options feel fair — compromise, opening the relationship, or other ways of meeting needs?
Options couples use
- Scheduled, low-pressure intimacy with an easy opt-out.
- Non-sexual intimacy rituals that both enjoy.
- Consensual non-monogamy so the allosexual partner can meet sexual needs elsewhere.
- Accepting that some differences mean the relationship needs to change shape.
Sources & trusted further reading
- Find a certified sex therapist — AASECT
- Sex and relationships education — Scarleteen
- Sexual health — NHS
- Sexual health — World Health Organization
Last reviewed October 25, 2026. Intima writes in plain language and checks claims against public-health bodies like the NHS, WHO and CDC. This is education, not medical advice. Find care & support →
Further reading
- AVEN — Relationships: https://www.asexuality.org/
- The Trevor Project — Understanding asexuality: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-asexuality/