Sexual fluidity: when labels change over time

Some people's attractions stay the same their whole life. Others notice changes — in who they're drawn to, how strongly, or how often. Researchers call this sexual fluidity, and it's more common than the 'born this way, never changes' story suggests.

What the research says

Long-term studies, including psychologist Lisa Diamond's work following women over many years, have found that a meaningful number of people change how they describe their orientation over time. Fluidity has been found across genders, though it has been studied most in women.

What fluidity isn't

• It isn't evidence that orientation can be changed on purpose. 'Conversion' practices don't work and cause harm.
• It isn't the same as being confused. Your earlier label described your experience at the time.
• It doesn't mean everyone is secretly bisexual.

Living with a changing label

You might move from straight to bi, from gay to queer, or from allosexual to ace. Some people adopt a broad word like 'queer' or 'fluid' (or 'abrosexual') so they don't need to relabel. Others prefer precise words and update them.

In a relationship

If your attractions shift while partnered, it doesn't automatically change the relationship. Talk about feelings separately from decisions: 'I've noticed this, and I want to understand it with you' is different from 'I want something to change'.